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November 8, 2009
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I still know exactly why I loved you,
How much, and exactly when,
But the wounds are raw, and I'd rather not be
The one to bring things up again.

The red eyes still sting like fire,
The tears still scorch like the sun,
Yet my weakened heart still beats on,
The way it has always done.
:iconmarikob-k:
Something short and sweet I came across today in a notebook. These are the very limited words that I could pull from the wreckage of a poem-type-thing written after a momentary breakdown about my ex-boyfriend.

:iconthewrittenrevolution: Is it too short? Do I still convey the right message even with only having 8 lines? What do you think?
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:iconhtblack:
:iconthewrittenrevolution:


:) Always a pleasure to see a work of yours in between our group's submissions. I must say, I agree that poems do not need to be long to convey a significant message, however I feel that two or three lines more, maybe in a separate stanza, would help. The ones you have are lovely, yet I'd add a bit more to this. ;)
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:iconopenhandedsmiles:
You're so good with meter and rhyme! Very charming.
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:iconmarikob-k:
~marikob-k Dec 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much! :)
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:iconphyllipa:
*Phyllipa Dec 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
A very effective poem, it just SAYS exactly what a breaking heart feels like. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this and this makes it a success. xxx
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:iconmarikob-k:
~marikob-k Dec 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:) thank you!
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:iconphyllipa:
*Phyllipa Dec 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :)
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:iconbrokenlied:
A poem doesnt need to be long to be amazing. You just need talent and you have it! This really spoke to me. Ahmazing job!
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:iconmarikob-k:
~marikob-k Dec 18, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
aw, thank you so much!
also, thanks for the fave! i superly appreciate it! :hug:
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:iconbrokenlied:
No problem!! :glomp:
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:iconjonathoncomfortreed:
=jonathoncomfortreed Nov 9, 2009  Student Photographer
:faint:

What.

What.

:faint:

I'm speechless. I honestly can't even speak. This is amazing, Mariko!
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